ROUGH STROKES 

31 aug. 2019

​

Pouring a bath.

Lavender scent

and greek statues.

Rose petals

and strands of music.

Reclining

with actors under my neck

poets on the surface

painters in the suds.

Submerging

into beauty of ages.

The fine

The rough

The ones that pick you apart

Such wealth in a single tub.

​

***

​

Platitudes.

I'm tired of carrying

things of no worth.

Trash overflows

in my cerebreal vault.

Treasures tainted

from pollution.

Chattering

Me Me Me

Right

Wrong

Pretty Wishes

I'm raising the drawbridge.

Staying inside.

Until blood settles.

Until water runs clear.

​

​

26 aug. 2019

​

Picking the sweet fruits

all the morsels of inspiration

all the lush treasures of fallen words.

My garden will be radiant

filled with endless beauty.

Every story known to man

my sky and sparkling fountain.

Endless penmanship

on every emerald leaf.

Your voice

will ring there too.

​

***
 

Repetitive errant thoughts,

reality jumping over the moon.

Wings for the concrete

have the streets flying.

The world is shaping into dolls

and acts of tragedy in smiling faces.

Titania comes out to play

with her crown of broken glass.

Rainbows pool in trains

running on air.

​

***

​

For your hands

I will bring the wounded birds.

For your song

I will bend the oak.

Into your mouth

I will pour gifts of morning.

Before your eyes

I will beckon the hidden beasts.

Over the hum of silence

I will play out of tune

so you can make it perfect.

My odd gifts

all I am.

​

***

​

I need

I need

I'm so thirsty

Rivers won't suffice

Delirious in the heatwave

Visions sharp as knives

Fluttering mirage

of things lost and left

Footsteps ground

into the sand scarring my eyes

Ghostly voices mock

my every step

Dead trees bloom

in black fear

I will tend them

​

​

19 aug. 2019

​

And for the woman

with flames of hair

- embrace the beauty

that makes it all burn.

Snowdrift embers

and summer sparks.

The nights will hold no sorrows.

Tomorrows will abound.

Wanting is a source

of treasure all its own.

Remebering

a gift to quench the thirst.

​

​

***

​

Before I leave

a soft Goodnight.

Wrapped in dreams

until first light.

Lightly treading

slumbers floor,

heading for a golden door.

Behind the right one

dreams come true,

but I don't want dreams.

I just want you.

Knock and peek

& move right on.

Thought I'd find you.

I was wrong.

​

​

7 aug. 2019
 

In less than a minute

you put me to shame,

leering down

from your high horse.

Grown women should not cry,

but they should not suffer either.

I am building a well

with the rocks that you gave me.

It will swallow enough

to let me feel whole.​

​

​

2 aug. 2019

Socializing.

Where's my handbook?

Hello.

Hi.

One forward one back.

Dance

Dance

Dance!

Listening to words but your body doesn't concur.

Confusion.

Which step am I on?

Rhytm lost.

I can't hear the music.

Help.

Am I to do

foxtrot

waltz

or disco?

Now the music is too loud.

I run.

​

***

​

I Will.

I Want.

The King and all his horses.

The castle and the secret rooms.

Better a bird in the woods.

Never a key on the table.

Living in dusk until dawn.

I Will.

I Want.

I Can't.

​

***

​

Fear is a terrible leash.

Jerking me back

pulling me in

dulling my senses.

Painting glyphs on the walls

as slobbering jaws chatter with glee.

No matter how deep I lay it to rest

always crawling back up.

Building nests.

Spawning.

Locusts

before the rivers run red.

 

 

31 jul. 2019

​

Once I was concerned with beauty.

Nobody perfect.

Never enough.

Ideas piled on illusions

smothered the human side.

Photoshopped angels judging.

Flesh and blood falling short.

I used the wrong eye.

The beholder's sees true.

Now I marvel at differences.

Everyone is perfect.

​

​

28 jul. 2019

​

Behind the mask lies unknown territory.

It may hold diamonds.

It may hold gold.

The curious pray

for a Midnight that never comes.

Eternally frozen in time

the enigma stays in costume.

Days keep adding like layers on a pearl.

The taste of the mystery

grows sweeter because of it.

​

​

27 jul. 2019

​

Disappearing into the wall

I deem myself safe.

Never standing out

is never advertising vulnerable

sensitive inner worlds.

Keeping the dreams safe.

Hiding the shining treasures

unspoken and delicate.

Thin bone china

with ethereal patterns

too beautiful to soil.

Rubies of love.

​

​

20 jul. 2019

​

It came so swiftly.

The ending of a life

cruelly tore all plans apart.

Equally kind and relentless

death has come and gone.

For years to celebrate

the end of suffering

yet morn tomorrows of joy.

The mother of peace

and father of loss

walk beside us

one face towards the living.

​

***

​

Hurricane dreams

with demented beliefs.

Come morning it gets too real

for the dreamscape to shine.

Come night it breaks free

like a beast on the prowl.

Its jaws closes over you

and carry you off

into the arms of unlikely

and the logic of fools.

Too real for life.

All legend.

​

***

​

With a pocket full of songs

and an umbrella in my hand

I will brave the wastelands.

Be it merciful shade

or merciless blaze

the show will go on.

Rocking over the hills.

Jazzing through the dust.

Ending the day with sweet blues

and cool ballads.

​

​

15 jul. 2019

​

First came the suspicion

of something not quite right.

Some serious infliction.

A fizzure out of sight.

Some leak of basic feelings.

A heart in too much black.

Weird notes in the music.

Some less than mortal lack.

And when time to unmask

it revealed to be

a very futile task.

​

***

​

Small minds drive me mad.

Finding my mind small

puts me to shame.

This merry-go-round

of growing pains

causes me misery.

Whipping my back

with a better self

means a neverending twirl

of nauseous demands.

I want to leave the amusement park

but the clowns won't let me.

​

***

​

Keep your hate.

Keep your grudge.

Keep your stereotypes.

Keep your judgement.

Keep your fear.

Keep your envy.

Keep your jealousy.

Keep your pettiness.

Keep your badmouthing.

Keep your greed.

​

Now lose.

​

​

13 jul. 2019

​

Clouds make me believe

in a softer edge to this world.

Gently caressing my retinas

in ways that does not hurt.

Forever over my head

in endless shapes of dreamlike colours.

Soft during the worst of storms.

Beyond humanity in noble freedom.

If only

they could wash us clean.

​

​

​

11 jul. 2019

​

The sky of my heart

holds constellations unknown.

Among the stars

secrets and whims

giggle and scream.

A fat golden moon

hires jesters and mimes

to showcase the world.

My very own Wonderland.

A twisted mirror

of cold beauty

and alien agendas.

Stranger yet

I call it Home.

​

***

​

It's the butterfly's fault.

While I was peaceful it sent the storm.

Rainbow wings had the sky falling

like precious china onto marble floors.

Rocking my world like a cradle.

Frying my eyes in a violent photo shoot.

Butterfly beware. 

I have wings too.

This storm is for you

​

***

​

Shower me in despair

and I will make fun of it.

Burden me with baseless fear

and I will laugh

thundering

unapologetic rebelliously

into its hideous face.

If there is laughter there is hope.

If there is hope I will endure

smirk firmly in place.

Insane joy to battle the darkness.

​

​

9 jul. 2019

​

Don't cry

over not falling in love.

Your heart

is too precious to squander.

Diamonds and pearls and single red roses

are paupers gifts next to your love.

When the right one comes forth

it will fly on its own

landing in hands

reverent of its worth.

​

​

8 jul. 2019

 

It's the blessing of the land

to handle fertile soil. 

Meant as a cradle

for growth and grace

joy is light

where the burden is heavy.

Aches and pains

a small price for verdant green.

​

​

5 jul. 2019

​

Inspiration.

Wringing it out.

Hanging it to dry.

Recolouring it when it fades.

Patching it when it tears.

Feeding it when it's hungry.

Searching for it when it's lost.

Being a parent

for its numerous children

of imagination.

Being the child

of a neverending ocean of dreams.

​

 

30 jun. 2019

 

Resigning to be

the single piece

from a puzzle

never finished.

Never knowing

the whole picture.

Never fitting in.

Colours too strong

or too indecipherable.

Motif too bold

or too bleak.

All wrong.

Singing in my box

under a picture I can't see.

Vitally important

but not knowing why.

​

​

29 jun. 2019

 

I try so hard to mimic.

It's not about not understanding.

I feel your soul

better than you do.

It's meeting it

with the expected facade

of not knowing

that does me in.

I put masks on

to make you feel safe.

But I paint them wrong

and you don't understand why.

​

​

27 jun. 2019

 

On Off.

Flick the switch.

Press the button .

Clap your hands.

On Off.

The face of normality.

Smiles held in place with razor wires.

Teeth in the front.

Blood on the tongue.

On Off.

Cut the strings and the puppet falls.

Drop the curtain and the play ends.

On Off.

Are you not amused?

​

​

25 jun. 2019

​

Oh, the motorway of my mind.

Three lanes heavy traffic.

Exhaust enough to kill.

I walk on foot.

Dodging is a lifestyle.

From time to time I hitch a ride.

The lonely grandmother .

The white trash single parent.

The justified beggar.

Once a child in a soapbox.

Twice a diplomat .

Moving on.

​

 

21 jun. 2019

​

Colourless banalities

like rain from a mind clouded over.

So this is how you run out

of meaningful words.

If I could share the gallery of my mind

that would be blessedly empty too.

The rest would be silence.

​

 

20 jun. 2019

 

Empty canvas of letting go.

Hopes never realized.

Eyes never met.

Dreamers reluctantly waking

from better worlds.

Trying to paint it

the colours run off.

Fading like bitterness

into sweet coffee.

Stinging in ephemeral state.

Too real

though never real enough.

​

​

19 jun. 2019

 

Independent.

Own two feet.

Waving away helping hands.

Afraid to rely.

Afraid to trust.

Afraid not to give enough in return.

Strengthening up out of fear to be let down.

Chosen solitude and closed door.

But I would let you save me.

Fearful, but wide open.

​

​

17 jun. 2019

 

Words.

I'll spin them in a web

across the universe.

I'll wrap them around me

to keep out the cold.

Unspoken

but stronger than anything.

They're my armour, 

my blade,

my tender heart in trembling hands.

They're my soul

and my shivering light.

They're my end

and my beginning.

​

​

17 jun. 2019

 

Peace of mind.

Is it in the tender evening

stroking your face?

Is it in the breath of loved ones

serenely sleeping?

Is it outside or inside

waiting to bloom?

Is it rain in your hand

or snow on the tip of your nose?

Can you share it

with a mind like your own?

Does it breathe?

​

***

​

Hello Grandfather.

How is Heaven?

Are you chuckling

about the fools

we make of ourselves?

Were you tired

when Death came?

Were you ready to go?

It's not the same without you

though years have passed me by.

Rest well

in knowing I'll not forget.

I'll remember

so we can talk.

​

***

​

What is all I ever wanted?

I have pondered for decades.

I have searched the sky for it ,

read myself silly,

asked until infinity,

watched and wondered.

The stars gave no direction,

the books held no answers,

the questions weren't answered

and the people had only dreams of their own.

​

​

14 jun. 2019

 

Howl into the empty void.

Hear it fade into nothing,

leaving echoes but no tracks.

In the end we are only sparks

failing to feed the fire.

Still we howl

as if life depended on it.

​

***

​

Hello Soulmate.

How you've been?

Since we've never met

I wonder what you're doing.

Are you watching the same stars?

Laughing at some corny joke?

Contemplating humanity and fate?

Feeling the same empty space

despite contentment?

Are you reaching out

or have you given up?

​

***

​

While I am tongue-tied

my mind writes symphonies

to celebrate you.

Awkwardly grimacing

words suitable for you

are lost in transit.

My feelings are erupting

as they paint your picture

on the inside of my skin.

Each time we meet

I make new creations of art

never uncovered.

​

​

11 jun. 2019

​

Don't carry me

even if I'm weak.

Hold me up.

Move my feet.

Push me forward.

For me I'll swallow dust before pride.

For you I'll try until death to keep moving,

in gratitude to the salvation you bring

and the one you do not.

​

​

9 jun. 2019

​

The most beautiful words are spoken.

I don't understand any of them.

My focus is drowning in the amazing timbre.

Your voice.

I don't understand.

It doesn't matter.

Say everything,

say anything,

just keep talking.

I hear nothing but what goes unsaid.

I hear only you.

​

​

6 jun. 2019

 

"This is you!" he stated.

It was not.

He wanted me to surrender

and tie the knot.

To change and be

a canvas of his.

I turned and ran

with a venomous hiss.

Never looking back

I cried "Bugger this!"

​

​

5 jun. 2019

 

Reaching for the Moon

I want to hold the beauty.

Gravity slams me back to Earth,

my only choice to watch and yearn.

That heavenly globe content to shine,

forever above but never mine.

​

***

​

I will mind you hanging trouble

like decorations over my head.

If you seek an urn

for your misgrown complaints

it won't be me.

My mind will be outside,

contemplating the larger things.

Don't try to lock me up.

Freedom will always

be stronger than you.

​

​

2 jun. 2019

​

It's a simple word,

yet monumental in meaning.

Such a sorrowful expression

of things ended and put away.

There are whispers of tomorrow,

but the past did end today.

It's a simple word

for leaving the door closed.

It's complex

because it might mean until next time.

It's Goodbye.

​

***

​

Tell the trees and water

I am coming home.

Set the table with my loved mug,

chipped plate and old spoon.

Wash my dusty feet and bloodied knees.

Kiss wrinkles from my forehead,

exhaustion from my cheek.

Children roam

- but tell the birds and butterflies

this child is coming home.

​

***

​

My fingers are greedy

for the flames.

Knowing the burn doesn't stop me

from letting them nip.

Scar tissue tells the tale of my desires.

I will go once more into the fire,

my determination burning even hotter.

If I shall live ashes to ashes

I am entitled to the heat.

​

​

31 may. 2019

 

As the mirror cracked

from edge to edge

silver came spewing out.

My image broken

I set sail on that tide.

Now I am roaming

silvery seas of freedom.

Only the winds know my name.

The distant shore

asks not for my face but my soul.

However it reflects

I am welcome.

​

***

​

Like my house

I am bigger on the inside.

Don't expect

a measly three rooms and a kitchen.

There will be cupboards leading to giant caves,

a ballroom in the attic

and a library inside the walls.

You will find luxury and horror,

shine and dust.

In time

you might even find me.

​

​

29 may. 2019

 

Put your lips to mine.

Do they blister and burn

or are they frozen blue?

Can you breathe into me

a common language?

Will your hands and eyes

reach for mine

as the walls crack and tumble?

Is the desert empty

or alive after the rain?

Are the answers worth the kiss?

​

***

​

Lady Migraine puts her knives to good use.

Choosing wisely from her tray of misery

she carves tissue into art,

mercilessly ravaging to create.

Under a dome of lightning I am at her command. Slave to her desires.

Testament to her being the one god.

A throat for her gospel.

​

​

28 may. 2019

 

Leaving but falling apart

all over the place.

Found my mind in a jar

and a number on my face.

Is it mine?

Is it up?

Then my voice lost its grip,

almost drowned in my cup.

Fished it up,

put it back,

poked my eyes out instead.

As the world turned to black

I resigned and turned back.

​

***

​

In the Velvet Hall Death is dancing

with mirthless eyes and a blazing laugh.

Dancing with abandon

he knows the joke and the mercy.

Taking your hand

he will waltz you away,

tango your soul,

tap dance your requiem.

Living

for your last dance.

​

​

25 may. 2019

 

I am a river.

At times you find me

calm and deep,

cloudy and upset,

wild and shallow

throwing mist and rainbows.

I would have you drown or float.

Who would have the heart

to run with me?

​

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